Howondaland

And there was the only way to reduce his longing for those he had lost. And Gambler began to play again. He retired from the barbershop and decided to no longer linger in one place. And he began to move from one city to another.

There were cities where he stayed for a couple of years, and in some he could not live a week. For several years he came to a small town in the mountains to live there all winter. Mountain winter forest impressed him with its beauty and tranquility. For a whole year, he lived in a city near a lake, meeting sunrises and sunsets and falling in love with this view every day. And there were many other cities, large and not so. And he played. And  felt great. He again became who he always was.

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Rus

— Eric, we’re moving, — Samantha tried not to look him in the eye.

— Are you moving? But where? But what about…

— To another country, Eric. Jack was offered a good position and it’s nonsense to refuse such a chance.

— But that means I’ll never see…

— And you don’t need this anymore, Eric! Jack is a good father and, in addition, he officially adopted Tasha, and you were even afraid to admit her!

Gambler bit his lower lip. He really could not officially recognize Tasha — his fake documents would not have passed the checks.

The heart was torn from longing to pieces — again a loss, again so unexpectedly …
— But I can fly to you? — he asked with pressure. — You know that I love Tasha!

— Yes, — the woman suddenly agreed. — Surprisingly, you turned out to be a good father. But what can you give her, Eric?

*Nothing. She’s right. I have a boring job in which I work, because I can only do this… and still play. I am not even able to help her with the lessons, because I did not attend school, and indeed I’m a moron. I really can’t give her anything but my love. But in this I lost to Jack. I have not seen Tasha for several months already, on the weekends they are constantly somewhere along with Jack and Samantha. When I call her, she either doesn’t answer the call or rush to end the conversation. I am nobody.*

— And I do not need more? — he asked meekly, not hoping for an answer.

Samantha shrugged vaguely.

She did not give him a new address. Gambler was alone again.

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Rus

— Dad, why aren’t you married?

Gambler choked on air and stared at daughter. She continued:

— Mama married Jack, and why don’t you marry?

— Do you have someone in mind and you decided to bring us together? Thank you, honey, but it suits me to live like that.

— Is it because you’re already old?

Gambler thirty-three. But he looks like the same nineteen year old.

— Yes, — he replied, thinking. — I’m already too old for all this. Come on! Otherwise, your mom will kill us!

He easily picked up his daughter on his back and walked with her to the exit from the park.

— I love you, daddy, — she whispered in his ear and Gamblerr grinned.

— I love you too, Tasha.

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— Yes, it is a bear. What do bears say?

— Grrr!

— Oh yeah. Right. Will you hug me?

The little hands wrapped around his neck and Gambler kissed the top of his daughter. Samantha moved, but Gambler managed to get the child back for the weekend. At first she did it reluctantly, but then she realized that she was getting free time and Gambler no longer had to beg her.

He
loved his daughter with all his tormented soul, found his solace in her
and, although Reth still occupied the whole thought, the daughter came
to the fore, his little treasure. Let him only Sunday dad and almost nothing can give her, but he was happy every time he stayed with daughter. It
seemed to him that this was their child with Reth and she only came out
for a minute, but then he would return and his two beloved women would
be next… But for a little girl Samantha came and Gambler was every
time in bewilderment for a moment — who is this woman and why does she take his child?

— Sad, — the daughter jabbed a finger into his cheek.

— Sorry, — Gambler smiled and rubbed his cheek against daughter’s cheek. — I love you, sweetheart.

*Reth, oh Reth. How I would like children from you.*

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