To
live with Denis was not as I imagined. He
worked all the time, lecturing in the morning, and the rest of the time he was
lost in the workshop. He
slept for three or four hours a day, and sometimes he could paint for two days
in a row. And
nothing in it showed fatigue, only his eyes became quite yellow and evil.
To
me, his attitude changed — he behaved like an older brother, could pat me on
the head, but nothing more that could give at least some of his feelings for
me. And I did not understand
why. I
turned seventeen and deep down I hoped … For what? The
fact that he will kiss me at least on my birthday?
What happened to him? Why did he
treat me like that after that evening? I
could not understand.
The
man was sleeping on the couch in the living room, and I often noticed how he
rubbed his lower back in the morning and felt remorse because his back hurts
because of me.
Once I could
not stand it and at night I came to him. Lied
next to Denis, put her hands on his chest, feeling how measured his heart
beats. He
embraced me in a dream, his lips pressed against mine, unconsciously kissing
me. The
man’s hands slid under my T-shirt, squeezing my chest and I took a deep breath.
Apparently, this is what
awakened him. He
opened his eyes sharply and stared at me in bewilderment. —
Lina? — he asked hoarsely. — What are you doing, damn you?
He
jumped up from the couch and stared at me angrily. — Shall I lock the door? Am I entitled sometimes to sleep? Angelina, can you hear me? I do not need a mistress,
understand this!
I bit my lip and
rushed to the door. Oh, what an
idiot he is! Anya
was absolutely right when she told me not to mess with him! And why do not I ever
listen to adults? — Wait,
Lina… — he caught up with me and took
me by the hand. — Forgive me. I did not mean that. I really
do not need now … such a relationship.
—
That is, when you kissed me, it was all … just like that? — I clarified,
trying not to let my voice shake. — No, — he shook his
shaggy head. —
Lina, I can not explain to you now … I … No, it’s impossible.
The man
kissed my fingers and asked: — Go to sleep, Lina. Just
remember — I did everything quite seriously.
He
pushed me to the door and, I had no choice but to go to the bedroom in deep
perplexity. What
does this man hide?
** Denis.
I
leaned back on the couch and laughed hysterically. — She came to me —
I told the darkness in the corner. — Oh, my God, she came to me. And I did not do anything! Terrific!
She excites me. Every
movement of Lina echoed in me, and I realized that even an easy kiss can result
in sex, whether the girl wants it or not.
The
fact that she eventually began to live with me was wrong. With every minute I wanted it
all the stronger. I
downloaded myself in full; tried
not to touch her and generally see less of the girl, but it did not help much.
In
almost seventeen years we had sex with Anya for the first time, so I had no
doubt that Lina could also mature for this. But
it meant that after the first night the girl would most likely leave me, and I
was not ready for such a turn of events.
I
lay down on my stomach and pressed my hot cheek to the upholstery of the sofa. The
darkness in the corner became thicker, blotted into a tight lump and took on
the outlines of his father.
“As
always, worthless and miserable” — he sounded soundlessly, his lips
curling contemptuously. I remembered this grin for
the rest of my life. What
a pity that when my father was alive, I could not do anything to erase it from
his face. How
I wanted to smash his lips in the blood, feel the salty taste in the tongue,
hear the crunching of breaking teeth and understand that here it is — freedom! My
father died much earlier, before I had time to grow a little and fulfill this
dream. However,
I still gained freedom.
I’ve
grown up a long time, but my father’s visions do not leave me. Am I free?
And
does Lina need a half-crazy man?
Blood ran from the nose. I
closed my eyes, trying not to pay attention to my father’s mutter. Probably, I still went crazy. A
little more, Denis, stay a little longer on this side.
Deep breath. I opened my eyes. My father
disappeared, which means that you can live on. I
can handle.
Howondaland 