Метка: painter

Epilogue. One year later.
Anna.
I
slowly corrected my makeup and looked at Denis, collapsed in an armchair and
pulling a tie.
— I hate all
these blows, — he growled. —
I’m generally … a bridesmaid, so why am I dressed like the groom’s friends?
—
Stop it,— I said, — you’re wearing a tie, but I’ve tied it so much!  In
addition, a pink dress you will not go because of your hairy legs.
He
lowered his hands, and I again slowly turned to the mirror. Well, it seems that everything is perfect. Makeup,
a dress … well, who will say that I am more than thirty years old?
Denis came up
to me and smiled.
— You have no
idea how beautiful.  And you have no
idea how happy I am for you.
I turned to
him and laughed happily. Almost
a year ago I met a man who fell in love instantly and received the same
reciprocal feelings. Only then did I
understand what Denis felt for Lina. And
the remnants of feelings towards him melted, and I could no longer understand
how I could hold on to him so firmly. He finally became my brother.
And I was happy.

— It’s so sad you were alone,— I said, turning back to the mirror. Reflection
Denis waved his hand and once again pulled a tie.
— Well, it happened.
There
was a knock at the door, and I heard the groom’s voice:
— Anya, are you all right
there? I’m jealous.
We
laughed and, kissing my hand, Denis left the room.
— Thank
you, Denis,—  I said through the closed
door. — For all.

**
A few hours later. Denis
At
home in the corridor, I gladly pulled off my tie and pulled off my shirt. An
interesting sight, these weddings, but, I hope, more than my foot will not be
on one.
I
walked slowly into the bedroom and with pleasure stared at the fragile figure
sleeping on the bed. I
sat on the bed and touched the girl’s foot and saw her instantly open her eyes.
— Hey, —  I said softly. — Hello. How are the exams?
—
Fine. —  She reached out and sat beside
me, holding me by the shoulders. —
How did it go?
I fell back
on the bed and replied:
— My God, I’m free.
And I laughed.
Lina
smiled and sat on top of me, knitting my ribs. I
stroked her still flat stomach and asked anxiously:
— Are you sure, Lina? We
have not worked so long … I would not like to cause harm … to both of you.
— It’s all
right, just the second month,— the girl answered. —
The doctors were allowed,—  she added,
noticing the doubt on my face.
She
bent over me, and I saw my reflection in her eyes.
And I firmly pronounced.
— Only you, Lina,
just you.
And
I heard her echoing my words.
I closed my eyes and
leaned forward. My
wife, my angel, my muse.
And finally
I kissed her.

The end.

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Thank all who reading, commenting and like my story! It very important for me!
With love, Rethdis.♥

Close your eyes
… And there, in the depths, behind closed eyes, close your eyes again. Then
come to life even the stones. (с) Wings of Desire

Chapter 21. Three
months later.
Denis.
I’ve never been sick for so long. These three damn months exhausted me
completely. The constant temperature and weakness had me so dead that I was
already ready to die.
And silence. Anya at first visited me often, but then I started to visit less
often and spent whole days alone. It was like before, but it turned out that I
had time to get used to it. I was sorely lacking in Lina.
Silence crushed, I heard the sound of my own heart and realized that I was
starting to go crazy. His father’s ghost began to appear regularly, he simply
stood with his arms crossed and his eyes fixed on me with black eyes. I again
felt like a child, I felt old scars get inflamed and it always seemed to me
that thick blood was flowing down my spine again. He ran his hand over the
disfigured skin and stared blankly at the clean palm. But the feeling did not
disappear.

And outside the window I was beckoned for emptiness and promised deliverance
from everything. From infinite longing, from impossible weakness, from
devastating thoughts. And every day I was closer and closer to accept it.
I wanted to call Lina, but I could not find the phone near me. And when he
tried to get up and look for him in the apartment, several times he put his
head on the floor and more attempts to look for him did not. Yes, and that I
said to her? Do you need me like air? But do I need her? Or maybe I
misunderstood everything? But where is Lina, then she has the keys to my
apartment …

Sometimes it seemed to me that I saw Lina nearby. I lifted my leaden hand, but
my fingers passed through it. Then I closed my eyes and felt tears under my
eyelids. I was giving everything, if only my beloved was close. But as usual, I
only had me and, it was not the best company.
From heavy thoughts, my head ached even more and the temperature jumped. I
wrapped my arms around myself and fell asleep with an agonizing, not bringing a
relief sleep.

And then I started to dream, as I draw. I saw myself from the side near the
easel, but could not understand what was on the canvas. He glared at the bare
back with scarred blood and slowly flowing down the buttocks; Tried to touch
the long hair, sticky with blood and sweat, but constantly pulled his hand away
and woke up. And again I fell asleep, because I was not awake.
And again there was this endless dream, in which nothing was changed. And then
I heard my voice, which hoarsely asked the drawer:
— What’s on the canvas … Denis?
And I saw my reflection turn my head and peer into the yellow eyes and
involuntarily sighed.
And I saw my pale lips stretching out in a smile, smeared with blood draining
from my nose, pressed the brush to mouth and heard a whisper that sounded in my
head with a bell:
— Lina.
— Lina, — I repeated and
opened my eyes.
— Lina! — I shouted.
Memories for the whole lost year came crashing down on my head. Lina … Anya
…
I struggled to get out of bed, staggering and suddenly realized that I was
healthy. There was only weakness. But now I remembered everything.

I have to see Lina.

**
Lina.
I hardly got to the hostel. However, today was a joyous day — my sister said
that the disease is not progressing and doctors have the confidence that she
will be able to defeat her.
I was happy. And the day was warm, I was in a good mood, despite all the leaden
fatigue that accumulated in me all these months.
I lived with the constant feeling that something important was being taken away
from me, part of me and I knew what the name of this part was. I needed him,
but the man did not call, did not come and I realized that he did not need me,
since he refused so easily from me. And to think about it was dreary.
But today I had a feeling of ease, maybe because of the weather, maybe because
of something … I was happy.

On the steps of the hostel sat a man and twirled a pack of cigarettes in his
hands, as though considering whether he should smoke or not. Black-haired, with
long hairs, carelessly tied in the tail … my heart jumped at his sight. And
when I came closer and he raised his head, I clamped my hand in order not to
scream. I was closely watched by Denis, with painful dark bruises under his
eyes, with sunken cheekbones and crooked lips. The yellow eyes faded and he
looked like that … did he really manage to get sick all this time?
And then I went up to him and snatched cigarettes from his hands.
— Do not smoke,— I said sternly, — you idiot!
— Idiot, — he agreed, and held out his hands to me like a child.

**
— Nerd,— I
told him the third time. — You did
not even try to be … even jealous!
In
the room, I use the absence of a neighbor, I arranged for Denis a breakdown. The
man listened to everything in silence, only his pale cheeks reddened and he
slowly wound his long hair on his finger.
—
I do not know how to be jealous, Lina,— he answered, wincing and looking away. —
I’ve never had anything that I could zealously guard.
— And I? —  I shouted. — You lied to me about your love?
— You … I never
deceived you, Lina. But I just could
not get used to the fact that you need me. Also constantly thought — what
for I to you such? And I just could not take it
for granted. And
when I saw how that guy kissed you, he freaked out and left. It
did not even occur to me that I can do something because I do not know what to
do in such cases. They
always left me at once, and there was never any lasting relationship. Anya … this is a separate
story.
— And all these
months I was sick and thought about you. I wanted to see you
and thought that you do not need me anymore. And
then I remembered everything and realized that I would die if I did not see you
… alone or not, but I had to see you. Maybe the last time, who
knows?
I
stood for a few seconds in front of him, and then weighed Denis a slap in the
face. The
man’s head jerked and he looked at me in an offended manner.
— Suck it all know where? — I said irritably. — How can you be insane to me! Wake up, Denis! I
stand before you and say that I do not need anyone else, do you? Do something!
—
Oh, — he said, and I was ready to beat the man with a heavy object on his dull
head, but suddenly Denis sat down on one knee and took my hand. I covered my mouth with my hand. What else did he decide to do?
— Lina. But
you’re right. I have to do
something. And I
will do what I wanted for a long time.
His
eyes turned green when he said:
— Will you
marry me, Lina?
Time stopped. He … seriously? But was not this something I had
dreamed of sometime? The
man looked away and sighed heavily, starting to rise from his knees. He thinks I’m refusing him?
— Yes, —
I heard my voice and repeated it louder. —
Yes, Denis!
And then I cried.

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Chapter 20. A few
hours ago.
Lina.
—
Listen, Vick, you insist on
asking me every week for a date and I refuse you every week. You yourself are not tired of
it yet?
I
looked sideways at the student who was hovering next to me. How
many times do I still have to deny him so that he understands that I’m not
going to agree to his proposal? Maybe I should not
be bragging about my relationship with Denis? Something,
probably, I would be calmer, at least in the fact that the sticky classmate did
not come to me with such speed.

— No,- I repeated. — I’m not going out on a date with
you. Why me? Are there so many beautiful girls
around? You’re
a nice guy, with you, anyone will happily go!
— But I chose you, Lina! — he answered fervently,
and I rolled my eyes.
— You yourself are without a
boyfriend! — he continued. — Do you have such strict parents? I often see that
your father takes you!

I turned in confusion
to him. Father? Ooh,
how furious would Denis be now if he heard it!
— Well, or brother,— he
corrected himself. —
In any case, let me talk with your parents, they will understand that I am very
positive, and you can calmly walk with me. I even
promise to return you no later than ten in the evening!
I gritted my teeth. Tired!
— I’m
an orphan, — I hissed, — and I have only a sister.  And
“father” is my future husband, so that you will know!
“Well,
or something like that,” — I mentally added. Proposals
to me Denis did not, and maybe never will, but I now was brought to the last
boiling point. Father or brother! Same it was necessary so to
say!
— And anyway, it’s time for me! — I ran out of
the audience, fastening the jacket as I went. Hurry to Denis!
I
already jumped out onto the porch and noticed Denis in the distance, rubbing
his frozen hands and was overjoyed. Now
I run up to him, he will hug me and everything will be fine.
— Come on, Lina! — Victor overtook me
and grabbed my hand.
— What else? Leave me alone, please!
Instead
of answering this … nasty type just grabbed me in an armful and kissed it. The
kiss was wet and somehow slippery and I instantly broke away and panic looked
to where Denis was standing. In the fact that he saw
it, I did not even doubt it. For
a moment he was still standing, and then walked away with a quick step. How
can he so quickly manage to walk with him, not too successfully fused leg after
a fracture in his youth?
— Denis! — I
called out. What to do? I
will now catch up with him and how can I explain that this is not what he
thought?
Vick
still held me, I yanked my hand and lost my balance on the poorly cleaned
slippery steps. The
pain came instantly, but my mind mercifully decided to leave me.

**
I
opened my eyes and looked around the university health center. Outside the window began to grow dark. How long have I been here? I
panicked, I lost so much time, and yet Denis … Who knows what will come to
his shaggy head!
I hardly slid down from my
bunk. The
whole body was a bruised bruise, but I managed to crawl out of the clinic,
rejoicing that the doctor was not there. That’s
why he will be surprised when he sees an empty room.

I
got to Denis’s apartment with difficulty, having caught on the way all possible
traffic jams. The
man’s phone was disconnected, and I nervously gnawed my nails, imagining WHAT
it could do.
* I
wish you were alive, if only you was alive * — I whispered to myself. *
Psycho abnormal, do not you dare do anything with yourself, do you hear, you
idiot? *
Forces
no longer existed and I just dared to hope that he would understand everything,
or at least not push me away …

**
I
opened the apartment door and immediately came across the boiling anger of
Anya. I moaned mentally. The
woman looked unapproachable and I realized that she would let me go to Denis,
if only a miracle would happen. But
I still tried to pass by her, but Anya, without saying a word, pushed me away. Then she held out
her hand and said briefly:
— The keys.
— I
will not give it up,— I snapped and squeezed the keys harder. My  bruised fingers ached, but I decided — then,
then …
—
All right,— Anne nodded and twisted me, tearing the keys from her palm.
I straightened, panting. The
keys drowned in the pocket of Anna’s cardigan and I could only look at them
sadly. But
maybe I can persuade her to miss me? .. I will not be able to fight
her. Or maybe it’s
worth shouting?
— Do
not be horrible,- the woman warned me, guessed my thoughts. —
Denis sleeps with temperature and I absolutely do not want him to wake up.
Temperature? .. He is ill? I
frowned.
—
Then you should especially let me pass to him.
-Why, Lina? He told me everything. And
I, like him, are tormented by one question — why did not you tell Denis in
person that you no longer want to be with him? Are you afraid
of responsibility, what do you have to bear? I already
told you that he is not an ordinary man!
— Nonsense! — I cried out. — This idiot understood everything
wrong! How could
he even imagine that I would be with another?
Anya
shrugged her shoulders and said firmly:
— Go away, Lina. Whether he understood
everything correctly or not, it does not matter. Enough of him …
all the experience.
— You still love him, do not
you?— I asked. — Do you
hope that I’ll leave and he’ll definitely be yours now? You in fact know, that
so will not be!

Raising her
slender hand, Anya gave me a short and angry slap. I
raised my hand to my cheek in bewilderment and stared at the woman.
— Go away!  — she repeated. — Enough of my brother’s suffering!  I will not let you
ruin his life!
The
word “brother” hung in the air and I suddenly understood everything. There
is no love between them, but Anya will always stand guard over his interests. Because
it has been so since childhood — the girl grew up with the realization that she
should protect an unusual boy, because he is not like everyone else. An
unladylike, misunderstood, with a constant bad luck in life. And
she was so drawn into this concern about him that she began to think that she
loved him. But
now she has started to see and I saw how hard it is for her …
I
looked at the woman with pity and, it seems, she caught it in my eyes. She
again irritatedly shrugged her shoulders and began to push me out the door. I tried to resist, but the
forces were unequal. After
a few moments, I was already looking at the closed door.
I
kicked the door and tried again to call Denis. Useless.
It seems
that now I lost this round.
— Nothing,— I informed the
door. — He will not be ill
forever. He
is not going anywhere from me.

**
I got to
the hostel when it was already dark outside. My
only desire was to get to the bed and, not undressing, fall asleep.
But,
the first person I saw when I entered the building was a sister who was walking
unevenly near the wall.
— Kate? — I was unpleasantly surprised. — What are you doing here?
—
I want to talk to you,— said the nurse nervously.
I sighed wearily. It seems that
today I can not rest.

The sister was silent for
a long time in the room. I
looked at her with dislike. She never loved
me and always stressed it. I
was jealous of my mother, arranging hysterics and as a result of my mother’s
attention I got crumbs.
I got angry.
— Katya,
or you’ll tell me why you came or go! I already had a hard day!
My sister
still hesitated and said listlessly:
— I came to apologize. Well
… for everything.
Old
grievances flared up in me and I hissed:
— For all? Do you
really think that one apology is enough? You
did not give me any opportunity to be with my mother and as a result I grew up
almost alone; you
drove me out of the house, and now you want me to forgive you?
I stopped. Sister looked at me
pleadingly.
— Lina, forgive me! I
know that it’s my fault, but the past can not be fixed, and I … I found a
cancer, like my mother, and I realized that I need to apologize to you now, but
what if it’s too late?
I fell into a frightened silence. My
mother died long and painfully and, somewhere very deep down, I experienced
relief from her death, because no one deserved such a disease, stifling,
enveloping, without hope.
I straightened my shoulders. Be
patient, Denis, I think I have to sort it out first.

**
Studies,
part-time, support of my sister … In the evenings, I came to the hostel and
could not sleep for a long time from exhaustion, looking at the ceiling with
unseeing eyes. And
when I managed to sleep, I dreamed of Denis and in the morning I got up
completely broke. His
phone was still stubbornly silent and I gradually stopped calling him. After
a while, I began to doubt whether this man was in my life and only cursed
dreams did not allow me to completely forget him.
But I still loved him.

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Chapter 19 A few
months later.
Anya.
Denis smoked,
staring at one point. Sometimes
his hands began to tremble and the man fought harder with frenzy. How many years he did not smoke? Six or seven?
A
couple of hours ago, a man called me and with a voice without any emotion asked
me to go to him. The
first half hour he was silent, and then he told me everything.
I bit my
lower lip and asked:
— Did you exactly see Lina
with the other?  Maybe you thought?
— I’m not blind, Anya! — The man got up,
but immediately sat back down on the chair. — I drove after her after school
and what? Why the fuck did
she kiss around Uni versus the other? Anya, what have I done wrong? Why did it all turn out that way?
He
ran his hands through his hair and began to pull long strands.
I bit my lip again. I
often saw Denis in despair, but now he was brought to the last stage. Why did Lina do this? They
seemed perfectly happy together, even though they had to start all over again.
— What attracted you to
her at all? — I
asked a question that tortured me for a very long time.
Denis
stopped ripping his hair and looked at me carefully.
— You do not understand, do
you? But,
by the way, you never understood me, everything was always good in your life.
I wanted to protest, but
stopped. But
he’s right, what was wrong in my life? Bad grades in school? Small quarrels with parents? Parting with the boys?
The
man came close to me and lifted my face behind his chin.
—
We have been together for so many years, Anya, but have you ever thought about
how I feel alone with myself?“ How much do I feel lonely every day?
So
you do not understand what attracted me to Lina … the second time.
—
You only look at our age and only think that apart from the bed, we cannot have
anything in common? I
know that you are jealous of me for her, because I was only yours for so many
years. I’m
still yours, but in a different way.
—
She is the same as me — a person who does not need the past, because there is
nothing that can be nostalgically remembered in the evenings. Even
in spite of the fact that Lina is too young for her, she already needs a new
life. When
I learned this, I realized that with this woman I could start all over again,
letting go of all the ghosts of the past and not thinking about them anymore,
everything is from the zero point, you understand? She and I, my little angel.
— It’s
not mine anymore, —  he said sadly,
letting go of me. — But
what was it worth to tell her that she no longer wanted to be with me?” I
know what’s wrong, but what? .. Age? .. But why did not it hurt her earlier?
He sat
down again in the chair and stared out the window.
— Now
everything will be like before, only I and painting. For
some reason, everyone is sure that if I’m a genius, I do not need anything but
an easel … no attachment, no love, only a brush. Well, now I will not
disappoint anyone. Forgive
me, Anya, but it seems that now I can not sleep with you.
—
Do you really think that all these years I only needed this from you? — I put my hand on his
shoulder and squeezed it lightly. — I love you,
Denis, and I like being with you. But you are absolutely
right — I am also your past. And to live
normally, I do not need you.
— I need you, — he
said hollowly. — But
as a friend and sister.
He
turned and buried his face in my chest like a child. His shoulders trembled. He is crying? I never saw his tears,
and there were not any. He
himself said that he stopped crying when he realized that his father was angry
even more if he saw his tears.
I
stroked his hair for a long time, becoming more and more irritated with Lina. Why did she do this to a
man?
Denis
hardly lifted his head and looked at me from the bottom up. I
slowly wiped the tears from his cheeks, peering at the feverish gleam of the
yellow eyes.
He coughed and
looked away.
— I’m
sorry, I … The devil knows what’s come over me.
He was again coughing. My
heart sank and I again attracted him to me, putting my hand on his forehead. And she gasped.
— Denis, you have the temperature! You’re hot all over!
— Temperature? — he repeated absentmindedly. — In general,
it’s very cold here, what is the temperature…
**
He fell asleep
instantly, without even undressing. I
sat for a long time next to Denis, rejoicing that he was ill — now he certainly
will not be up to thoughts about Lina.
— Brother,
— I whispered and put a hand on his shoulder. In
the silence of the bedroom, it sounded too pompous and I shook my head and
removed my hand. But he
really is my brother, very distant, but a relative! Why did we sleep with him?
I
cringed — and after all, I kept for so many years for Denis and what in the
end? I’m alone too,
I’m thirty-one, and I’m not married. And
was it worth it then — to always return to the same man who needed something
completely different?
I
did not have time to ponder this thought — I heard the door open in the
corridor and rushed there, boiling with righteous anger. I’ll kill you, Lina!

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