Howondaland

Chapter 20. A few
hours ago.
Lina.
—
Listen, Vick, you insist on
asking me every week for a date and I refuse you every week. You yourself are not tired of
it yet?
I
looked sideways at the student who was hovering next to me. How
many times do I still have to deny him so that he understands that I’m not
going to agree to his proposal? Maybe I should not
be bragging about my relationship with Denis? Something,
probably, I would be calmer, at least in the fact that the sticky classmate did
not come to me with such speed.

— No,- I repeated. — I’m not going out on a date with
you. Why me? Are there so many beautiful girls
around? You’re
a nice guy, with you, anyone will happily go!
— But I chose you, Lina! — he answered fervently,
and I rolled my eyes.
— You yourself are without a
boyfriend! — he continued. — Do you have such strict parents? I often see that
your father takes you!

I turned in confusion
to him. Father? Ooh,
how furious would Denis be now if he heard it!
— Well, or brother,— he
corrected himself. —
In any case, let me talk with your parents, they will understand that I am very
positive, and you can calmly walk with me. I even
promise to return you no later than ten in the evening!
I gritted my teeth. Tired!
— I’m
an orphan, — I hissed, — and I have only a sister.  And
“father” is my future husband, so that you will know!
“Well,
or something like that,” — I mentally added. Proposals
to me Denis did not, and maybe never will, but I now was brought to the last
boiling point. Father or brother! Same it was necessary so to
say!
— And anyway, it’s time for me! — I ran out of
the audience, fastening the jacket as I went. Hurry to Denis!
I
already jumped out onto the porch and noticed Denis in the distance, rubbing
his frozen hands and was overjoyed. Now
I run up to him, he will hug me and everything will be fine.
— Come on, Lina! — Victor overtook me
and grabbed my hand.
— What else? Leave me alone, please!
Instead
of answering this … nasty type just grabbed me in an armful and kissed it. The
kiss was wet and somehow slippery and I instantly broke away and panic looked
to where Denis was standing. In the fact that he saw
it, I did not even doubt it. For
a moment he was still standing, and then walked away with a quick step. How
can he so quickly manage to walk with him, not too successfully fused leg after
a fracture in his youth?
— Denis! — I
called out. What to do? I
will now catch up with him and how can I explain that this is not what he
thought?
Vick
still held me, I yanked my hand and lost my balance on the poorly cleaned
slippery steps. The
pain came instantly, but my mind mercifully decided to leave me.

**
I
opened my eyes and looked around the university health center. Outside the window began to grow dark. How long have I been here? I
panicked, I lost so much time, and yet Denis … Who knows what will come to
his shaggy head!
I hardly slid down from my
bunk. The
whole body was a bruised bruise, but I managed to crawl out of the clinic,
rejoicing that the doctor was not there. That’s
why he will be surprised when he sees an empty room.

I
got to Denis’s apartment with difficulty, having caught on the way all possible
traffic jams. The
man’s phone was disconnected, and I nervously gnawed my nails, imagining WHAT
it could do.
* I
wish you were alive, if only you was alive * — I whispered to myself. *
Psycho abnormal, do not you dare do anything with yourself, do you hear, you
idiot? *
Forces
no longer existed and I just dared to hope that he would understand everything,
or at least not push me away …

**
I
opened the apartment door and immediately came across the boiling anger of
Anya. I moaned mentally. The
woman looked unapproachable and I realized that she would let me go to Denis,
if only a miracle would happen. But
I still tried to pass by her, but Anya, without saying a word, pushed me away. Then she held out
her hand and said briefly:
— The keys.
— I
will not give it up,— I snapped and squeezed the keys harder. My  bruised fingers ached, but I decided — then,
then …
—
All right,— Anne nodded and twisted me, tearing the keys from her palm.
I straightened, panting. The
keys drowned in the pocket of Anna’s cardigan and I could only look at them
sadly. But
maybe I can persuade her to miss me? .. I will not be able to fight
her. Or maybe it’s
worth shouting?
— Do
not be horrible,- the woman warned me, guessed my thoughts. —
Denis sleeps with temperature and I absolutely do not want him to wake up.
Temperature? .. He is ill? I
frowned.
—
Then you should especially let me pass to him.
-Why, Lina? He told me everything. And
I, like him, are tormented by one question — why did not you tell Denis in
person that you no longer want to be with him? Are you afraid
of responsibility, what do you have to bear? I already
told you that he is not an ordinary man!
— Nonsense! — I cried out. — This idiot understood everything
wrong! How could
he even imagine that I would be with another?
Anya
shrugged her shoulders and said firmly:
— Go away, Lina. Whether he understood
everything correctly or not, it does not matter. Enough of him …
all the experience.
— You still love him, do not
you?— I asked. — Do you
hope that I’ll leave and he’ll definitely be yours now? You in fact know, that
so will not be!

Raising her
slender hand, Anya gave me a short and angry slap. I
raised my hand to my cheek in bewilderment and stared at the woman.
— Go away!  — she repeated. — Enough of my brother’s suffering!  I will not let you
ruin his life!
The
word “brother” hung in the air and I suddenly understood everything. There
is no love between them, but Anya will always stand guard over his interests. Because
it has been so since childhood — the girl grew up with the realization that she
should protect an unusual boy, because he is not like everyone else. An
unladylike, misunderstood, with a constant bad luck in life. And
she was so drawn into this concern about him that she began to think that she
loved him. But
now she has started to see and I saw how hard it is for her …
I
looked at the woman with pity and, it seems, she caught it in my eyes. She
again irritatedly shrugged her shoulders and began to push me out the door. I tried to resist, but the
forces were unequal. After
a few moments, I was already looking at the closed door.
I
kicked the door and tried again to call Denis. Useless.
It seems
that now I lost this round.
— Nothing,— I informed the
door. — He will not be ill
forever. He
is not going anywhere from me.

**
I got to
the hostel when it was already dark outside. My
only desire was to get to the bed and, not undressing, fall asleep.
But,
the first person I saw when I entered the building was a sister who was walking
unevenly near the wall.
— Kate? — I was unpleasantly surprised. — What are you doing here?
—
I want to talk to you,— said the nurse nervously.
I sighed wearily. It seems that
today I can not rest.

The sister was silent for
a long time in the room. I
looked at her with dislike. She never loved
me and always stressed it. I
was jealous of my mother, arranging hysterics and as a result of my mother’s
attention I got crumbs.
I got angry.
— Katya,
or you’ll tell me why you came or go! I already had a hard day!
My sister
still hesitated and said listlessly:
— I came to apologize. Well
… for everything.
Old
grievances flared up in me and I hissed:
— For all? Do you
really think that one apology is enough? You
did not give me any opportunity to be with my mother and as a result I grew up
almost alone; you
drove me out of the house, and now you want me to forgive you?
I stopped. Sister looked at me
pleadingly.
— Lina, forgive me! I
know that it’s my fault, but the past can not be fixed, and I … I found a
cancer, like my mother, and I realized that I need to apologize to you now, but
what if it’s too late?
I fell into a frightened silence. My
mother died long and painfully and, somewhere very deep down, I experienced
relief from her death, because no one deserved such a disease, stifling,
enveloping, without hope.
I straightened my shoulders. Be
patient, Denis, I think I have to sort it out first.

**
Studies,
part-time, support of my sister … In the evenings, I came to the hostel and
could not sleep for a long time from exhaustion, looking at the ceiling with
unseeing eyes. And
when I managed to sleep, I dreamed of Denis and in the morning I got up
completely broke. His
phone was still stubbornly silent and I gradually stopped calling him. After
a while, I began to doubt whether this man was in my life and only cursed
dreams did not allow me to completely forget him.
But I still loved him.

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